Then gently and slowly I let the vaporized essence escape from my nose. I could smell the floral bouquet, as I close my eyes, tilted my head back slightly to feel the rush of Marijuana’s sweet nectar coursing down my spine, through my veins and filling my brain.
It reminds me of two pain medications I received while hospitalized: Demerol and Morphine administered via IV injection. The pain relief effect of vaporized marijuana is better than any thing I have used thus far, except under hospital supervision.
I am feeling cerebral which is the opportune time is for me to journal thoughts and sort out dilemmas. I guess it could be construed by the reader that my words are self-indulgent rants. Leave now or read on, we all have the Freedom of Choice.
Illegal prescription drug users also look for that rush I described above, so I have heard. I have a 26-year-old grandson involved in Doctor swindling of prescription narcotics dealership with his second baby Momma.
His favorite was Oxycontin. Little did I know, at the time, he was a serious prescription drug addict. He could always find several doctors who push the Oxycontin to young patients, month after month, without any consideration that they are creating serious drug addicts. If the Oxycontin were not available, he would resort to heroin.
The circumstances of how Gottie knew of my Oxycontin supply; was because I offered to pay him to help me do some chores that were becoming more difficult for me each year. As we worked together, Gottie’s anger seemed to be accelerating rather quickly.
I remembered reading somewhere while working with and raising my own son: That an over abundance of testosterone released during puberty can result in mild aggression. I believe through personal experience that there are men out there, who never get past puberty and aggression escalates during a monthly cycle without much provocation. Like a woman's monthly cycle, when hormones are raging. I became somewhat afraid of his escalating displays of violence, as he began to throw things I was asking him to simply move.
Two short hours into our workday, I had to calm this guy down, so we took a break and got something cold for him to drink. As he sat down, he pulled his shirt off angrily and smelled it. He complained about smelling like body odor and he did not bring any cologne. I was so baffled by his attitude; I offered him a hanger for the precious pricey shirt he wore to work and offered him an old working shirt of mine. He refused the offer.
As his complaining continued, he flopped over on the couch and began moaning how painful his back was from too much lifting. As Jesus is my witness, I worked circles around this boy-man earlier in the day.
I called it a done day and told him to go home and soak in a hot bath. As I paid hi for a full days work as promised. He asked me; Do you have anything stronger than aspirin for pain? Without knowledge or much information on this highly dangerous drug, I gave him one of my Oxycontin. He crushed it on the table and sucked it up his nose. I vowed at that moment to never again offer to provide him with an employment opportunity. To date at age 27 he has never held a steady job.
I do not think that was his first rodeo, never in my life would I think to crush a pill and suck it up my nose. He laughed at me and bragged of how he used to melt it down and shoot it in his veins. I sent him on his way and tried to analyze this incident. It took some serious Google research to get a grasp on what just happened between my grandson and me. We did not speak again for quite a while. This single incident will forever haunt me, as his mother will continue to blame me for her son's addictions.
Recently my youngest Grandson who lives over two thousand miles away was busted on marijuana charges. Marijuana possession and smoking a joint while driving is Illegal in the State he lives in with his mother. I think driving and smoking a joint is illegal everywhere. Any way he was busted twice in one month. He has a full time job, and most of his pay check will go to the lawyers for a while.
At about age 20, the little Dick comes to my house because it was my Birthday. He brought a friend with him, who drove him. As always was with his visits, he asked if I had anything to eat. I was somewhat irritated since I had more month at the end of the food stamps as usual around that time of the month.
Since I am legally prescribed Marijuana, I am catching the back lash from my daughter, that is my example as a grandmother who has caused her son to think smoking dope is acceptable. When she could not comprehend the difference between the legality of the situation. I am not breaking any laws and the lecture to her son should not be about Marijuana, it should be about abiding by the laws of the land.
Anyway, back to my oldest grandson's visit on my birthday; I fixed him and his friend, hot-dogs, biscuits and cheese. A dish I made often for my son, Michael, he called it Weenie Pie. Michael is my son’s real name; I do not feel it necessary to disguise his identity, since he has been deceased for many years.
Both young men kept bumming my cigarettes, so I tossed them each a pack. I trusted my grandson back then as he made himself right at home. They say love is blind, and it is not a quote meant only for lovers, it could also refer to our children and our grandchildren, our whole family in fact. I was still in my “Love is Blind stage of my Life”
I had no clue while I was busy cooking and entertaining my grandson’s friend, that Gottie would be rand-sacking my home and robbing me right under my nose. He once bragged about being able to hold a bottle of Premium Vodka in each armpit and leave the Store without being detected for shoplifting. I thought it was a joke and blew it off.
Anyway, now I believe without a doubt, he has Houdini armpits and there is how he got away with what he robbed from me. As I walked them to the door at the end of my Birthday Visit, from my grandson, Gottie thanked me politely for the meal; they both thanked me for the cigarettes and then he had the cajones to ask me for gas money to get back to his stomping grounds. I regretfully handed over a twenty-dollar bill, which was half of what I had left for the month. Too bad, I did not have any fives.
Later that evening when I retired to bed, is when I discovered Gottie had robbed me. I tried to let his mother know that Gottie needed to bring back what he stole or I would have no choice but to call the police. His mother fought viciously to defend her son and label me a crazy liar. I did make a police report and face an onslaught of insults. It matter to none of them that a Police Report was the only way for me to obtain an emergency refill for my medication.
Well the case is not closed, a few more years passed by and now innocent little boy, Gottie had done several stints in Jail, mostly on theft charges. His menacing behavior caused the Courts of Law to remove his parental rights to his first-born son. The Court order gave his first baby Momma the rights to allow her present husband to legally adopt my first great grandson. Forever lost to our family.
Gottie collaborated with a second baby Momma he met at a Meth House and began a relationship that would produce his second son. Neither one of them had jobs, but they sure looked like they were living exceptionally well without any income. Soon after, he was sentenced to prison on Meth Charges for seven years. He did shock prison, home arrest and monitored probation for 5 years. Which he eventually violated his probation by getting caught committing a burglary.
He is in Prison again doing his second shock Therapy, soon to be released and placed on another five years probation. I wrote him a long letter during his first prison stint, but never mailed it. I was still angry that he schemed to rob me with his friend. In addition, without any regards to my safety, he put my life at risk by bringing a stranger into my home to keep me busy. I was very discouraged about his lack of humanity.
I pulled the letter out and revised it to fit his second prison stay. My daughter and I had been getting along as best we could considering our history, however, I could feel the tension mounting between us after I sent the letter attached below. I am very opinionated about “stop doing the same crap over and over again.” Keeping Gottie away from the drug scene was going to be difficult. She disagrees that he needs “Behavioral Science” to diagnose his mental problems and he needs to be legally medicated accordingly before jumping back into the same old lifestyle patterns.
I absolutely believe that repeating the same mistakes over and over again is a waste. Something different needs to happen. So consider alternatives! The family disagrees.
It took me a few days to mourn a loss, as a few angry words exchanged between us, and caused a complete break in communication and my relationship with her. As much as I hate to say this: It may well be a blessing in disguise.
I do not think I can endure spinning another circle of late night calls about heroin overdoses, and arrests from my frantic, crying daughter. It sounds cruel to me, it feels like abandonment. I feel like a weak and uncaring Mother.
I must remind myself of my own failing health, and my elderly age. My plate is too full, I cannot take anymore. I need peace. Therefore, it is very quiet here today and has been for about a week, no daily back stabbing drama about the friends in her life (her BFFs). Judging everyone, I prefer to watch drama unfold on television. She calls in boredom; I call it lack of peacefulness and mental stability.
As I unemotionally write this for the purpose of flushing it from my system like another shitty hand dealt to me, knowing all too well again they believe that my advice is stupid. So I have written my last set of opinions about the whole situation and will continue to do quite peacefully alone, but not lonely.
Sad Letter to my Convicted Felon, I sent this letter to two different prisons, and it was never acknowledge. Maybe I was too harsh with my words. Maybe I am not the crazy one. Maybe I have just had enough of forgiving year after year...
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Dear Grandson;
First I want to let you know, that I have never stopped loving and caring about you. But when everything just becomes spinning circles of insanity, I need to protect myself, mostly my heart from being hurt over and over again by anyone. If you look back on your life with Jennifer, it was for the most part High Drama Insanity and Dysfunctional.
I have tried to keep my mouth shut and not get involved with what is going on with you AGAIN but.. there are a few things I have to get off my chest. As your grandmother/NaNa I feel I have a God given duty to give you advice. If I fail to at least try to get through to your brain, your heart and your thoughts. That is on you because at least I made an effort and I can sleep good at night knowing I gave it my best shot.
I was glad to hear that you finally wrote to apologize to your Mother. I find your situation to be very disturbing. No matter where you GO dude.. there you are. You can not run from yourself, you have some serious issues that only you can solve. But who of us do not have issues at one time or another, most people choose to work on them. NOT become drug addicts, and criminals. Solving your issues needs to involve Psychiatric help, so much more than your Court Ordered “Anger Management”
Do not get me wrong anger management is a good place to start, I am sure it is probably a group class, but son you seriously need some One-On-One with a Psychiatrist. You need to be diagnosed and properly medicated. Then you need Behavioral Science Classes when you get out. Talk to someone there in Prison, about these things. And get some recommendations. It is always hard to admit that we may need help, but SAVE YOURSELF, from your destructive lifestyle and get the help you need.
If you WANT different.. You have to BE different. The legal definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again, while expecting different results. That was written by Albert Einstein who died before I was born You can never really make the same mistake twice… because the second time you make it .. it is no longer a mistake it becomes “a choice or a way of life.”
Hopefully when you can choose to stop chasing the wrong things, stop repeating the same mistakes in life you will leave yourself open for the right things to come your way. If not then you have very serious mental issues, that need to be dealt with by professionals or spend the rest of your life in and out of prison. But you need to ask for mental help and follow through. You need to ask for help with your, metal health condition and substance abuse issues. And then you have to take the advice and do the work.
Don’t Waste Time Trying to Justify your Mistakes to us. Unfortunately, it is our natural instinct to try to justify our actions. When you make a mistake, your initial reaction is to blame someone else. Only you got yourself where you are and only you can get yourself straight or live a different lifestyle.
When mistakes are made, not too many people will be interested in our justifications. We justify mistakes for the sake of our EGO. Sometimes it is best very simply ADMIT— yes, I made mistakes. Help me make things better.
Your Mother has stuck by you trough thick and thin of the LIFE you created for yourself. Does it NOT affect you that each time you spin your circle of insane behavior with drugs and crimes that you are slowly but surely dragging your mother down with you.
Understand Why Your Mistake Occurred: Mistakes occur for various reasons. To avoid repeating them, you need to understand the underlying reason. For example, you may have spoken in anger and haste; the mistake here is to say unkind words. Once they have been spoken they can not be taken back. Lashing out in anger is almost always due to our lack of communication skills. Skills for coping and achieving a life worth living can be taught by professionals, but you have to be willing to learn. I believe you may have some other serious mental issues that have resulted in you being DISABLED and unable to function normally in society, in order to live a normal life, without being a criminal. I know you have never been able to hold a Job.
Like you, a long list of people who make illegal mistakes will land in prison. It is important to understand why you continued to make the same mistakes over and over, then denied the consequences of your actions along the way. You may need the help of a Physiologist to reach deep inside yourself for the answers.
Avoid Repeating Mistakes; You should avoid feeling guilty about making mistakes now, but at the same time, you should make a promise to yourself to learn from them. If you repeat the same mistakes, it shows you are not making progress in life and causing repeated suffering for not only yourself but also for the people who love you. Especially your Mother.
Often mistakes are caused by bad habits. To avoid making the same mistakes you need to break these bad habits. This requires careful consideration and constant effort to change your way of thinking. However, the sooner you change your bad habits, the sooner you will avoid making the same mistakes. Most of all it will be very important to not go back to hanging out with all the same people (thieves & addicts hang together) Surround yourself with law abiding citizens, others who have learned from their mistakes and are not continuing to repeat them. Follow successful people, if all of your friends are losers, then you too become a loser. When the Judge slams down his hammer and sentences your to Prison, you just LOST at the game of Life. Do you understand that?
Mistakes are Opportunities to Learn; From your own mistakes you can gain wisdom and speed up self-improvement. Stop taking risks that are against the law. The important thing is to view mistakes as a useful stepping stones to a higher reality and better outlook on life. Care about yourself and your reputation. Criminal people will only drag you down with them. As a Criminal yourself, you are dragging your Mother and your Brother into a lifestyle of Crime.
I believe that most often people choose street drugs at a young age, to mask mental issues. You were ADHD as a kid and were never really properly medicated to help you overcome this mental disorder. Back then very little was done on a mental health basis. These DAYS it is very recognized, Michael had ADHD and as his mother we struggled, he had to worked hard to better himself. He was also dyslexic, meaning he saw letters backwards all the way up to the 6th grade. ADHD is a learning disorder that if left untreated become adult Bi-Polar disorder and/or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
I can honestly say that I do not have learning disabilities disorders. Obviously it has been inherited by the Mannings and by your biological father Mark. My bloodline is filled with educated, college graduates, which includes myself, so learning comes easy to us. Especially learning from mistakes. If you hit yourself in the thumb with a hammer every time you use it, well you should learn how not to cause yourself PAIN. Some just choose to learn some don’t. It is harder for some but comes easy to others. Either way it is the BEST CHOICE to make, Not to cause yourself physical or mental pain... Learn by getting help.
Instead of acting like you already know it all and do not need help. If you have that attitude even good luck can’t save you. Even in the long run only you can save yourself and if that is not what you want, do not DRAG my daughter down with you again. If you do I will just believe you are evil.
It is too late for you to get help for ADHD, because you are past Puberty. Although your behavior may indicate that you are not mentally past Puberty on physically. The medication you sought to relive you childhood symptoms to NOT work on adults past puberty, they only create other adult mental issues, that you need to be diagnosed for your Disabilities. I am begging you GET the HELP you NEED, while you are in prison. Because YOU KNOW help is hard to get when you get out.
While you are trapped behind bars you need intelligent guidance. So that by the time you get out, you can re-enter society with some life skills and the proper medication to keep you LEVELed out. While you are on disability there are so many options and opportunities open to you for the first year. The same types of Jo9b training offered free in prison are offered free to Disabled people. YOU WLL NEVER be able to start at the top. You need training and then work your way up. Make a decision of who you want to be.
Do you want a decent life with your son; Kayden? First you must build a life for yourself and then invite him into your world. No one wants to see you DRAG your son into a life of drugs and crimes. If you are not on a path of success then you are on a path of failure, it is that simple.
Sitting around having yourself tattooed up is the last thing you needed on your last incarceration. Obviously Marion was not a learning experience. It was simply a continued waste of time in your life. You are getting too old not be able to take care of yourself. Up until now you have never provided a roof over your own head, you depend on others to do that for you.
Your Baby Momma, is the psycho beatch from hell. I do not believe she is the love of your life from what I have experienced with you both. I believe she was your drug dealer; the Prescription Drug Queen and you were her royal subject. I am not stupid, I watch, I listen and I analyze what is truth and reality. And you know exactly what I am talking about. It is very unhealthy for you to associate yourself with her. She is the temptress, who will get you hooked on opiates again. A control freak, when she can not keep you under her control, she pushes you away and because she keeps you addict with opiates, then you must go back to her or turn to heroin again. Her only goal is to watch you fail at life.
No matter how you were raised or what you or anyone says about your family, YOU made bad choices all on your own, most of all you have chosen not to be a respectable citizen or part a family or of society. You chose a life of drugs and crime. Every time you sink into a fog of intoxication you loose a little more of who you were truly meant to be. We are all born the same! In this life we can have anything we want, but first we have to WANT IT. Then we have to work hard for it, day in and day out.
I literally broke my back creating a Japanese Maple tree farm in MO. It was my last ditch effort to pull you in, show you how to get ahead in life. But you did not see the big picture of a business you could have had as an inheritance. Instead you believed any involvement in the business required that you get paid a high wage from me for doing nothing.
I am in the same family you are in. I chose not to be involved with the Family Bullcrap. You accused me of being a scammer, when you and Jenny pooh were the scammers. Hard work every day got me where I am. Jenny pooh is still chasing her own tail like dumb dog. And she will do her best to take you down, but first she has to pull you back in. Do not let that happen again, it is insanity at best.
When “family” refused to see or believe in the successful ideas I had, they tried to pull me off track. Like the stupid donut shop idea. You and Jennifer wanted me to rent the building, for your new Donut Shop in a Podunk town. Well now she is renting her own building trying out business ideas selling peanuts and making no profit. Because she is not “smart” she makes her own misery and takes people down with her.
I chose plan B, to stay away from all the useless blood suckers who were trying to drag me down. I believed in myself because I have “Made it” I have been successful many times in my life. I am successful now.
Mike’s death knocked me down hard, but I rose above that and tried again to have a decent life. It did not matter if I failed, at least I knew I tried. There is no one to thank, I stood on my own two feet and never used anyone to get where I am today.
As you now have experienced first hand; Prisons are filled with people just like you, who for one reason or another think that it is ok to just take what they want and NOT work for it…take what others have worked hard to get.
You and Jennifer tried to justify plotting to steal from me, by calling me the Schemer and a Scammer. When your plot did not work you turned on me. You allowed your baby Momma to come at me like a vicious dog ready to kill. At any point you could of told her to leave me alone, instead you chose to lie and back her up to make me give you my things and/or my money.
Never stopping to understand what you were trying to steal, was a dolphin symbol for my DEAD SON. It was the most low life, evil, inconsiderate plot I have every seen. If you wanted your skank baby Momma to have a Dolphin necklace, get a job and buy her one, so she will calm down. She was in a jealous rage trying to con me out of my Dolphin necklace. The heated argument resulted in threats of violence and I had to call the police, so that she would not carryout her threats. You stood back and allowed her attack on me.
Oh, I will agree with you I do have schemes and plots, but they involved hard work to better my own life. I have never stolen anything from anyone who worked hard to get ahead. You know Jennifer has also crapped on and has stolen from her own family… this is not right, she is toxic and you both believe cheating and conning people is OK. If you were a great con artist you would not keep getting caught and jailed.
Eventually all thieves and liars get caught. The police and Judges know all too well that when they finally catch the bad guys, many crimes were committed that they got away with. The County you lived in, is so fed up with you they have Court Ordered you to not cross into Their County Line. A whole County wants nothing to do with you. Now crossing the line into their whole county will be a legal violation of a court order, as you serve your five years supervised propation. No different than a Restraining order that if violated & will be more JAIL time. Never in my life have I heard of a whole county issuing a restraining order against someone. I was shocked that things had gotten so bad with you.
Out here in the real world of responsible people, no one thinks, Thieves are glamorous, or cool, they are not bigger, badder, or smarter than the next person! They are criminals plain and simple and they end up in PRISON. You chose this road with your continued behavior. ONLY YOU can change to direction of your life.
You had gotten break after break, chance after chance and forgiveness after forgiveness. Little slaps on the wrist. This last offense the courts have had enough of your behavior. You made your choice to hang with other felons-- NOT family. You chose not to better yourself, because in your mind you already believed you were better than all of your family and entitled to even steal from family, mostly your own mother, but also your grand mother (ME). I no longer use prescription pain killers, I suffer through now for fear of being robbed for my prescriptions. My own grandson did it, a stranger might find out, or you might tell someone you know I am not capable of fighting my way out of a paper bag. Maybe the next time someone wants to rob me of my medication I could get hurt.
You know the many times you robbed me and conned me (your own grand-mother) and stole from your own mother.. We forgave you, stood by, prayed for you. I allowed you back into my life, believing you would change because you had a second son to care for. It seems to me the only thing really going through your mind was plotting your next Con job or drug score. Or was it that you have mental problems that require mental prescription drugs and counseling? Maybe you do not need a fix you need a CURE.
How do you think that I made it through the night when you stole your own grand-mothers medication? Yes I was on pain medication and I know that is what you were after, but I obtained my medications legally, for a proven medical conditions. But you stole other medication, that were not going to get you HIGH, for instance blood pressure medication, did you have an ounce of compassion for an old lady like me? NO not a fraction of an ounce. Would you have given a crap if I had died that night from a heart attack because I did not have my medication, or that I would be in pain because you needed to get high and show off to your buddies. Obviously NOT and how stupid I must have looked to you by NOT pressing charges against you and to then allow you back into my life by forgiving you - trusting that you had changed, and were then a Family Man.
Being an addict is not an excuse to just go around f***king everyone over and over. You even choose that, in spite of the help you have been offered. You have built quite a bad reputation for yourself. If you have no desire to change the reputation you have built, then you will not. Your choice too. I believe you are too mentally Disabled and need serious help to function in society. Just getting a JOB is not the CURE, getting mental help to hold onto a Job is far more important.
You are not a little kid anymore you made the choice to waste the 10 most important years of your life. You got your GED, but cheated your way through that, so what good is it, just a piece of paper you might as well wipe your butt with. I got you into Job Corp, but you spit on those opportunities to get ahead with job skills, even knowing you were the father of 2 sons, who were depending on you for support.
You chose to go get drunk, high, and/or became a criminal, probably all three at the same time. GET SERIOUS and go sign up for some classes in prison…instead of wasting more valuable time continuing to try to con everyone. Learn some JOB skills while you are in there, decide on a career and further your training when you get out.. Get help for your physical and mental Disabilities, so when you are released, you function with a diagnosis and legal medication. Then you can continue with proper mental health care and behavioral science when you get out.
The police did not sick their dogs on you because they are jerks, during your last robbery. YOU ran, how did THEY know you were not armed? They have families too. You are lucky they just did not shoot you in the back like the coward, You are. You are not a victim, you are the VICTIMIZER. You and your accomplice must have been high as a kite on a drug cocktail mix, to break into a store without thinking of learning how to disable the alarm first.
My point is: this did not just happen to poor little Craig.. it was bound to happen. You were on a path for it to happen. I would just think that if anyone is concerned about your future It NEEDS TO BE YOU
Drug and alcohol programs, mental counseling for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) to learn how you got yourself where you are and stop blaming others. I am not a doctor but any one who had done the amount of thieving you have seems Obsessive - Compulsive because you never stop to consider the consequences, and Disorder because you have no limits to who you will victimize. I would be inclined to believe you are most likly also a Sociopath because you show lack of remorse or guilt for what you have done to family, much less others.
The PRISON handbook is available online for everyone to read, including us outsiders. Prisons offers you HELP to work towards REHABILITATION. Go to the Library of the Prison and study your own behavior. I have read it for myself, instead of bragging about being able to watch TV, how about telling your mother about how you are going to improve your life and the new goals you have set for your life. Go Study “Schizophrenia” your mother’s mental illness, because if you continue to torture her with your obnoxious behavior you could just drive her to an early grave. Then who will take you in, when you are a bad boy.
WHY? You call your family crazy because we knew after Mike died a horrible death at 21 years old.. we would need help dealing with that. Not for one single moment have you shown your Mother any compassion, even though you were there at Mike’s funeral and watched your mother crack under the tremendous grief of loosing her only brother.
Did you show your mother any respect. NO you drove her deeper into despair to the point she had to be hospitalized. I believe many times she was hospitalized, it should have been YOU diagnosed with a mental issue. She was functional, held down a job as a single mother, until she became totally disabled and could not function anymore. Driven into poverty, but at least with her income now she can keep a roof over both your boys head.
I do not believe you ever spent a second grieving for the loss of Mike, you used him to trash us, and get sympathy for your self. Probably has an excuse to need drugs and alcohol too. Jennifer was so Jealous of your Dead Uncle Mike that she needed to you to CON me out of the Dolphin Charm he bought for me. DO YOU GET THAT?
I really do not care what you think of me for writing all this, I can only hope that it gives you a “reality check” that enables you to START doing positive things with your life so that when you get out you
will have gained the skills you need to cope with your own past and in the future become a valuable part of society.
Did you really understand the post card I sent to you and your baby momma when I left Missouri again in 2008? I said thank you for being who you are, it helped me make an important decision for my own success to again move over 2100 miles away from all of you people. Without all of you, I would not be moving forward to this new adventure in Arizona. Hope you never change.
I offered you and your baby Momma an opportunity to be part of my growing nursery (plant business) and to get paid doing it. My intention was to leave it to you when I die, so that you could have a good start making an honest living by owning your own business. I gave your family a second chance on customer day on the farm, to come work and not bring her children. You were both too good to load plants and wait on customers in the garden. You both whined and you watched the old lady (ME) haul and carry. You wanted to meet and greet customers at the front gate. Right where plants are counted and payments were made.
The oldest weakest worker should have been the cashier and the young workers doing the manual labor. Hello, I owned the business, worked my ass off to build it. I saw right through you and your woman. Did you really think that I was going to allow you to be in charge of my cash box????? It was quite obvious to me your opinions do not match mine as far as what is right and what is wrong. You both showed me how sneaky you are. And well as for Jennifer any dumb ass can see right through who she really is.
Are you even going to be able to visit your own son with your son’s little half sister’s father in the home with your baby momma, since he is just another Felon. What a coincidence that you are have both been convicted on Meth charges. What kind of decent woman goes seeking a man at the Meth House. Oh rumor has it, they have history together and she picked him up outside the prison gates the day he was released.
So I sold my successful business, home and land, loaded up my U-haul and got about as far as I could get… to be the hell away from all you people. I think a good look in the mirror will reveal who the crazies are and who is not. You prefer to slander me as a Crazy one. Yeah buddy I am crazy like a Fox and can out wit you any day of the week. My mental disorders are properly kept in check by medical professionals, therefore I function quite well in society as a tax paying, home owner citizen in my community.
I took my profits, was able to retire comfortably without working so hard, as I have done for 50 years. I bought a nice home and have a clear conscious that I did not have to steal or destroy anyone to be where I am at today. I know it takes a lot longer to work hard to get ahead, but by God it beats the hell out of living in a prison. Unless you just like that sort of thing. I set a goal and it took me only 5 years to create the funds necessary for me to leave red-neck country and head back out West again.
I tried to “teach” you a way to get ahead and live right, but it is impossible to teach anyone anything when they are not willing to learn. It is impossible to encourage people, to say and do the right things if it is not what they want to do. You can not make people better themselves they have to want to be better, be educated and be willing to work so hard they perspire and create BO. You need a clear mind, to realize you do not pimp up your outfit, to go to work on grandma’s farm. You were not on your way to a Rave or a Skittles Pharming Party.
I am not bigger, badder or better, I have just “Been there Done that” had more experience only because I am older. I have learned some things the hard way too, but chose to learn from my mistakes regarding what works and what does not work. As you are now learning the hard way too.
Call me insane all you want but my behavior has not resulted in having to live my valuable life in a 3 x 5 cell and kiss butt to survive in a prison. I sincerely pray that once you have served your punishment for your mistakes, that you will be able to make different and better choices.
I do not have any prayer left to offer you. God only helps those who are willing to help themselves to make things better. No matter how many prayers are sent your way, if you are not willing, GOD will keep his back turned to you and no amount of prayers from anyone who cares about you, will be heard.
There is still HOPE for you and your Mother to work together to have a normal relationship, if you can come out of this experience with the willingness to show your Mother the respect she deserves. The willingness to learn from your mistakes and the willingness to help her and your brother live a better life. Or not and someday she too may feel like she has just “had enough” of it and has to just take care of herself and stop giving to lost causes.
The Love we have for others does not simply wither and die. Love killed by slow and painful emotional turmoil and heartache. Love can become tortured and murdered by lies and deceitfulness.
Maybe it is not always about trying to fix something that is broken, Maybe it is about taking time to start over and creating something better. People can change if they want to, but it is not easy. It takes a brave soul. I will always stand for what is RIGHT even if it means I will stand alone. Your one and only NaNa
Letter posted. I am going to just sit here today ponder my losses, stay comfortably numb in my decisions to turn my back on this crazy situation. I think I will soak in the hot tub, get something to eat and maybe take a nap. Relieved and take comfort that I know my phone will not ring again regarding this issue.
I welcome you comments as always
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